lessons on taking myself too seriously ;-)

Today I am taking a day off. A day off from what, you might ask?  (As many of you know I have been searching for work for over 5 months). Well, today I am taking a day off from a very trying week of waking up in the morning, praying that God would help me trust him, going to interviews and coming home feeling defeated and discouraged. I have shared with some of you my horror stories of the week, but today is a day to focus on God’s faithfulness.

This morning I woke up feeling absolutely exausted. I felt too tired to cry or even express my anger towards God about how distant he felt. I began to get ready for the day wondering how much more I could take.Those of you who are unemployed probably know what I’m talking about—how hard it can be to fill out application after application or tweak resume after resume for jobs that you don’t even know that you want knowing you may or may not reap rewards for your labor. It’s exhausting isn’t it?

I really cried out to my Abba this week.  I told him how bad it hurt not to work. I told him how sorry I felt for myself and I told him I was ready to give up my pride and work wherever he chose, if only he would make clear where that was! I was so tired of spinning my wheels. He took me through a step by step lesson this week.

He said…

1. Check your motives.

Autumn, why do you want to work? Is it so that you can impress people when they ask “What do you do?” Is it so that you feel you are benefiting from your degree? Or is it so that you may be a witness for me wherever I choose to place you?

2. Check your heart.

Where is your treasure? Is it in winning souls or is it in temporary earthly pleasures?

3. Check your will

"Do you want my will or yours?" He asked.

Through a couple of very interesting experiences, the Lord led me to face myself in all of these areas.

It was this morning that I realized I had truly let go. The whole time I had been meaning to let go of all of the above and let the Lord lead me, but it was all done in fear and with a back-up plan if he didn’t lead the way I wanted him to. As I got ready this morning, I just prayed, “Lord, guide me. You know what I want; but you also know what’s best for me. Please do what’s best for me.”

It was moments later that my cell phone rang with a call from a catering company and supper club that I had applied to weeks ago. They asked if I could interview today.

I felt excited but nervous, because not having a job, I had already made holiday plans to visit family the week following Christmas. I knew it would be wise to take the job regardless, but I asked God for one more thing. “God would you please let me know this is right by allowing me to start after the first of January?”

And that is exactly what God did for me. Later today I got a call from an eye clinic that I had applied to as a receptionist and they want to interview next week...God is good.

“So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

So today I am taking a long overdue “day off” so to speak. I am taking a day off from trying to carry it all on my shoulders. I am taking a “day off” from trying to manage my own life and I am taking a day off to refocus on the goal—not mine, but the goal Paul is speaking of when he says,

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14
 

God is With Us

Dear Friends,
Guess what we finally got...SNOW! That's right. We have not had snow until this week!! It's true...and sometimes that makes us miss Minnesota more than you know. Today, however, I am sitting at my kitchen table looking out my window at a winter wonderland. It's strange because I actually think Kiel is a prettier town with snow. It seems like cold weather brings people together doesn't it? It's my hope that it does. It could have the opposite effect though-- it's so cold that everyone just stays shut up in their houses. Johnny and I are trying to make sure that doesn't happen. This year during the kids' christmas break we're planning a "week of winter" during which we will have outside winter activities for jr. high and high school students every day throughout their break to make sure that no one is sitting at home playing X-box for hours on end ;-)
(Sometimes I feel like we're already parents of teenagers.. ;-)  My sweet Johnny just loves the snow and being outside in the cold--which most people might think is crazy, but I think these kids are blessed to have a youth pastor with so many creative ideas! Two days after christmas John and our new friend Sid are taking some boys from their sunday school class winter camping. Sid is from the UP and has done this kind of thing before so they are totally prepared for what lies ahead. They have already gathered firewood and stashed it like good ol' mountain men.;-)

Tomorrow morning, before the service, the youth will be hosting a pancake breakfast as a fundraiser for our missions trip to St. Paul with Youth Works. We're hoping for a great turn out and are very happy for all the parents and students who will be there to help. Please pray it goes well. Also please pray for the leadership team as we prepare for this trip.

Tomorrow's Sunday service will be the annual Christmas Cantata in which the choir will be singing. Arthur, the choir director, has also asked John and  I to sing so we will be singing one of our favorite Christmas songs, "You are Near" by our friend Drew Collins.  

As we look ahead to Christmas, I find myself full of joy and anticipation. John and I recently attended a Christmas concert at Lakeland College with a friend that was accompanying the choir. While we listened, the music  brought us back to our years of singing in Christmas at Crown. It was strange because while many of the songs were the same songs we'd sung at Crown, something was very different. As I thought about it further I realized it was that the choir's faces did not express at all the joy of which they were singing. Dr. Donalson always used to remind us of what we were singing about by bringing us the history of the songs sung as well as sharing his own joy that the Messiah had come! It was sad to John and I to see that most students appeared to have no idea what they were singing about and although the president claimed that Lakeland was "unapologetically a college of the church",  we wondered how many of their students actually grasped the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The chaplain closed the concert with a prayer that we would have peace in our hearts and that God would be with us. I did not pick up on this, but John left with an uneasiness saying, "But we DO have peace and He HAS come! Why didn't she tell them that?"

To my Crown friends who remember often hearing Dr. Mann and many other faculty tell us that Crown College is a school like no other, I want to tell you that as cliche as it always sounded, I now understand. Though there is nothing magical about Crown there are not many schools around like it and I was deeply reminded of how fortunate I was to attend such a school that not only claimed to be christian, but where one of the main requirements was to see that we are GROWING in the faith.

KAC will be holding a Christmas Eve service here. This will be the first time I have not been with my immediate and dear church family from Black River for Christmas Eve. I am so excited though, that they will be able to come and share a late christmas with us on Sunday and will also celebrate my sweet Johnny's birthday with us on Monday! We're excited to see both my parents and my dear brother Garrett who will be flying home on the 16th. Please pray for the safety of our  traveling family.

Finally, I want all of my beloved friends and family to know that due to the amount of money I have spent on stamps this year (with save-the-dates,  invitations and thank-you notes) we've decided to wait to send out christmas cards until next year. Soo, when you don't get one, realize you are not being overlooked! We've decided to let our parents do the christmas letter writing for one last year =] We do enjoy getting yours tho! In fact, we've started a little collection on the wall next to our fridge. =]


Much love and prayers this Christmas season. May you remember sweet words of Drew's song as you not only prepare your homes, gifts and travel plans, but also prepare your hearts for our King..

"And His name shall be called Emmanuel...God is with us even now. You are near." -Drew Collins

Love in Christ,


Autumn and John

My Bookshelf...what's important to me!

Remember how I told you that I write what I write here so that you can pray for us? Well, I have something to write that I'd like you all to pray about.  I am so excited by this that I'm a little hesitant to write because I'm afraid sometimes of not making sense, but I am also so very excited by this revelation that I would like you all to pray that God does with it what he wants...the sooner the better!

Here's my story...

Today I woke up and couldn't stop thinking...when that happens I usually take quite a bit of my devotional time to write and to journal what I feel God is showing me. Today I told Him I'm just frustrated with having so many passions and desires and not know which one he wants me to follow or if all of them even line up at all...I hate when people ask me, "what do you do all day while john is at work.." because I know I do a lot of thinking, house-hold tasks, writing...and waiting...waiting  on God  for direction as I fill out application after application, wondering if any of them is really what I want to do and wishing God would direct more clearly.

So speaking of tasks, I began a task that I've been putting off for awhile--cleaning out our "guest room./office"..you know, the room in the house that you shove stuff in when you don't have time to clean/ unpack everything before people come? That's the one. I opened the door, took a deep breath, opened a window and opened the first box. It was the box that my mom had sent back with me last time I was home and it was heavy as heck! I found it to be full of many of books (novels, fiction, and non-fiction) that I had accumulated over the years as well as some others that I had studied with in college. As I was placing them on my bookshelf, I realized you can definitely tell what's important to a person by taking a look at his/her bookshelf, (if they like to read, that is). Books on worship, dating, marriage and spiritual leadership and development soon crowded the top and bottom shelves. Shoving that box of to the side, I reached for the next--even heavier than the first, I literally had to push it from one corner of the room to the bookshelf. When I opened it, it was full of notes, papers and notebooks that were shoved in in the most disorderly fashion (just the way I'd left them after each semester of college ;-). As I began to tackle the new task of organizing what I thought was probably mostly trash, I found that it was actually organized clutter--each class, year and assignment separated neatly with a couple of notes in between. As I began to sort I couldn't help but read some of the articles, stories, movie reviews and final papers, memories of the times in my life washing over me as I did so. I even laughed a loud at some of my word choices and the different spins I took on what were probably meant to be boring assignments, late night hours turned into humorous editorials. I decided I'd like to share some of these with John, so I began organizing them into folders and stacking them on the shelves...and that's when I realized what I'm passionate about. Laugh if you want to, but I never knew....when I finished, the remaining space on my shelf was full of my own work.....and my other books of interest stood their awkwardly among the rest of my own work. If you don't understand, or don't know me well enough to understand, what I'm saying is, God just opened my eyes to a passion I didn't realize I had. I want to write,...and I need to. I didn't realize until I wasn't being forced to, how much I miss it...and how much I crave it. The excitement I feel is comparable to the last time God pointed me in a certain direction--you know, when he speaks to you so clearly you want to cry? That's how I felt. So I promptly texted a sister in Christ and told her, I know what God wants me to do! For the first time since he told me to marry John and move to Kiel, I had direction! Being the amazing friend that she is, she took it upon herself to hold me accountable and told me to call the local newspaper immediately and put together my portfolio. So I did...and I have a meeting on Monday.

I'm really not sure how to end this...other than asking those of you who seek God for direction in your lives to pray earnestly for me. If God wants me to be humble and wait on him longer, please ask that he gives me the grace and  patience to wait and if he wants to use me to write and lift his name through my writing, please pray that he opens a door!

Thank you so much.

Following Christ,

Autumn

Not Profound

I love watching people be in their element. Lately I've noticed that my husband talks a lot about his job...the other day it hit me that normally it bothers me when people bore me with facts--just facts, not feelings--about their line of work. It's great to know the ins and outs of your work, but the counselor in me always begs the question, "But, tell me how that makes you feel!" Anyway, as Johnny was blurbing facts today about his job, trends he was noticing and so on, I realized that this information he was giving  was much more than facts to him-- this topic was something he loved and that made me happy!

We all talk about things that are important to us...we all do it. But when other people talk about things that are important to them, unless we share a very common interest to theirs, or their passion is just really intriguing for some reason, we have a hard time listening, don't we? Or maybe its just me ;-)

So here's what I've decided: When someone talks about something that they are passionate about and I have a hard time connecting with that passion, I'm going to choose to appreciate and hope to catch their joy. Care to join me?

Trials and Victories

I suppose you thought I'd never write. Well, I didn't create a blog account just to tell you  that we've moved =] There have been many significant happenings since I wrote last, however the perfectionist in me has a hard time letting me write in great detail until I have processed everything thoroughly myself. There is always the question of what will be of interest to the masses and what will not, so before I write, let me just tell you what this is.

This is a space for those of you who desire to lift us up in prayer as we preach the name of Christ on our mission field. If you're reading this just to get an update on the progress we're making, I can't assure you that our progress will always be clear. I'm going to be honest with you about our trials as well as our victories because I want you to be encouraged as we follow the Lord together that we all have times of struggle. I feel that if I only reported on our victories I would be cheating you from knowing a deeper and richer story of God's provision and his unfailing love.


These last couple of weeks have been a blur. I admit that I have been undergoing a lot more spiritual attack than I thought I would here. When John and I interviewed for this position, we were told by our Pastor and his wife that the spiritual oppression here has been more challenging for them than when they were overseas. We're definitly starting to experience that, and while it excites us because we know that Satan is so threatened by our being here, it is also exhausting, so we'd like to ask you to pray for our encouragement.

Last Sunday night at youth group we talked about who Jesus is. It may sound like a redundant topic to many of you who have grown up in the church, but this topic promoted wonderful discussion among our teens. I challenged my small group of girls to go beyond their sunday school answers and to understand the answers behind the truth they are believing. Once the kids understood that it was o.k. to ask questions and to challenge the belief system each small group was engulfed in a discussion that went a half -hour over our normal closing time. Kids lined up after small groups to follow up with John on more resources for how to defend their faith. No one that I've met gets more fired up about defending the faith through evidence and research as my sweet John--the apologist, as I call him. This Sunday night was a HUGE source of encouragement to him. He can't wait to do an apologetics  study with some of the guys in his 'man cave' (aka our unfinished basement, in which he forsees such potential).

Another wonderful thing is that there is a great interest in our upcoming Junior High Youth retreat. The kids have never done anything like this before, especially not something geared to their specific age group. Something that is hard for us is that at this point Jr. and Sr. High are combined into one large group. When there are enough leaders, we are able to break them up during small group time, but the teaching is sometimes difficult for the middle schoolers to understand, and its difficult for John to teach in a way that is geared to both at the same time. We're excited for them to have a weekend designed espcially for them in October. Please pray for the kids going on this trip to be challenged and built up and for energy for our leaders =]

 This Thursday evening I will be starting a young women's study at my house. We'll be reading through a book called "Lies Young Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free." I've read the adult version of this book and can hardly wait to tackle some of the topics with these girls. I love that they're excited too! Please pray for that time and that group to be a safe place where girls can be honest about what they're going through and that they would draw closer together as sisters in Christ.

Thank you all so much for reading and for praying for us. We're blessed to have you all!

Since Our Wedding

Hello Dear Friends and Family!

I am excited to begin a new form of communication with all of you and am sorry that it has taken so long to begin. It is definitly time to let you all know what Johnny and I have been up to following our June 26th wedding.

Many of you know that prior to our wedding John took a job as the Associate Pastor in Kiel, Wisconsin at Kiel Alliance Church. While John was there before the wedding, God provided a place for him to stay while he looked for a house for us! In the midst of working and wedding planning I was not able to get away to come on the house hunt with him, so a bit of faith was involved when he called  me saying that he had "found the perfect house." Since there were many people waiting to rent it, he needed to make a move fast, so I said, "Go for it!" I'm so glad I did. We moved in the week following our honeymoon. God certainly does provide! He knew exactly what I would need in a place to make it feel like home right down to a bakery/coffee shop within walking distance and a picture perfect old barn (that serves as the perfect inspiration for writing) outside of my front window.

Our church family had already moved in most of our stuff which was a huge blessing and stocked our entire pantry! Our church family here is so loving and we are blessed to be a part of it.

John is enjoying his role as the associate pastor which includes both oversight of the ever growing Children's ministry as well as the youth. He is currently teaching High School boys Sunday school on Sunday mornings, coaching the Kidz Klub leadership team  (throughout the week and mainly on Wednesday nights when they meet) and teaching for youth group on Sunday nights! This Sunday night is our Kick-off to a new year and we're very excited about the many up coming events.

I am currently looking for work, applying like crazy and enjoying settling into my new home! I am excited about starting a young women's bible study and mentoring a couple of individual girls in the youth group as well.I've also been able to step in when there is a need in worship teams.

We've enjoyed getting to spend time with friends and family that have been able to come and see us in our new place as well! Let us know if you're ever in the Sheboygan/Fond Du Lac/ Appleton area!! We love to see familiar faces =]

Prayer Requests:

Please pray for our transition to Kiel to continue to be smooth.
Please pray that God will provide the perfect job for Autumn in His perfect time.
Please pray for God to give John wisdom in the oversight of the growing children's and youth ministries at KAC.

Please also pray for us this weekend as we are leaving this afternoon for a Youth leaders Seminar with some other youth leaders in the area. Pray for safety, refreshment, fellowship and for us to learn and grow through this experience.

That's just some information to catch  you up on our lives here in Kiel! While a lot of transition has taken place in our lives since this spring and sometimes we feel like we've jumped into something  we're too young and inexperienced for we rejoice in knowing that God who called us here is FOR us!

A wise woman recently reminded me not to confuse the fear of man with the fear of God.

I believe that  we should at times find ourselves trembling not because we have great responsibility to man but because we have responsiblity to God. Pray that God would humble us when we begin to think that the task is on our shoulders alone-How prideful that is!

 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy one is understanding." Prov. 9:10