Silent Tea

Today I find myself in a silent place. I wish it would last forever. Moments like these are few and far between in the place I find myself today. I never knew I could treasure silence and stillness so much. When I find myself in silence, sometimes I can't even bring myself to read because I don't want to hear anything...not even the voice inside my head narrating...

It is moments like these that I wish life could slow down. I scold myself for being lazy when I run into these moments..even months ago I would have cringed at a moment of stillness grabbing a pen and paper and mapping out what I would do next. Now I crave it. I crave the silence. I long for it! I hope for it. To sip my cup of tea and breath in and exhale deeply never seemed like such a luxury!
Luxury...
I notice myself finding joy in pretty colors, in sitting at the window at 3pm that draws the most sunlight and letting the warmth soak into my back. I star at sparkly things like the beautiful wedding ring my darling gave to me and I find joy remembering the moment he asked and the moment I said yes. I crave creativity yet I reach desperately for certainty and things that will not change.

Any moment now a number of clients will come hustling through the door asking me for this or for that or if I've heard back from whom. My phone might ring in a second with a plea from my supervisor to do such and such a favor and my peace may be shaken...disrupted. I have two choices. To feel cheated for the moments I could have had or to feel blessed beyond belief for the luxury of the silence. Or, to tap into a peace that will never leave me; to tap into rest that is mine forever.

"The Lord is my shepherd. I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." 
Psalm 23

Therein lies my help. Therein lies my security for what I have and for what is to come. Therein lies my rest. Therein lies the stillness I long for. Therein lies my renewal and my guidance and the companionship I long for when the life I lead is too much to explain. There is my honor, my language of love in gifts and blessings as my cup runs over and my stability...that no matter where I lay my head He is with me and I will dwell forever in one place for certain...in Him, where there is peace.

My Valentine

Valentine's has come and gone, but I need to share with you how beautiful ours was! I used to never like Valentine's day- the day comes with strings of expectancy, and I feel it's not often that we actually experience what we expect that we will. Since my teen years and since meeting the love of my life, I've grown to appreciate valentine's day as a time to show love to those God has placed in my life and most importantly remind them of his love, rather than merely my own because his is worth so much more and it is only through his teaching that I am learning how to love.

And that is what this Valentine's day has reminded me of. ..

One night as I was gathering old paper and some music for crafting, the Lord brought to mind a verse a friend spoke over me long ago when I was struggling with a bought of depression. 

"He sings over you Autumn. He sings over you. You may not be aware of this, but he is so enthralled by who he has made you- just you as you are-that he is singing over you. He is your King. You will not be shaken."

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing."

He is rejoicing over you. He is rejoicing over me. I reached for my scissors as creative juices filled my mind and I began to create messages of truth for those dear friends that have spoken truth over me throughout my life. As I wrote it over and over again, meditating on this truth, it began to penetrate and while the depression did not leave over night, and I don't believe it will, I have hope because I am holding onto The Protector of My Soul. I know He is indeed who he says He is. 

He will not abandon me to the grave nor will he let his holy one see decay. He has made known to me the path of life and he fills me with joy in his presence (Psalm 16:9-11). 

He fills me with joy in his presence...

So many thoughts

Oh I am out of the loop. Once again have not blogged in too long. So many thought running through my head and heart today that I want to share with you and yet the time to commit to sitting in one place to write them down seems miles away. Today is my last day off out of three-how did it fly by so quickly?! I struggle with the feeling of holding on so tightly that the last moments might seem longer. I will blog when I can...

until then I hold on to this simple truth: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13