I finally caved and decided to give John and hair cut. It doesn't look great, but it's cut. He politely said he would go get another tomorrow and I can't help but feel I've won the battle. I didn't cut it poorly on purpose--In fact, it went exactly the way I thought it would go all along. That is why I have been insisting it's better to pay for one upfront than pay for my mistake, but the cheap-o in him prevailed, and I felt the need to prove myself.
This morning I was scheduled for nursery duty at the church...a new role for me as is the children's ministry in general. Thinking I had a day off from nanny duty since I have the toddler class for only about an hour, I plopped a sleepy child on my lap and pulled out the play-doe. Moments later, after the rest of the children had arrived, and everyone had their favorite color in hand, my helper and I discovered what seemed to be the first dirty diaper toddler her nursery duty career thus far. Flipping a coin flashed across my mind, but the poor dear was only in 6th grade and has her whole life ahead of her...the obligation was clearly mine. The events that followed are really a blur of what I believe to be me trying to reason with a 2 year old that his diaper was in dire need of changing. The child who was cuddling in my lap moments ago was now making a bee line for the door somehow managing to outsmart even the creators of One Step Ahead baby proofing. He made a dash for the sanctuary and I literally breathed a prayer that I would be able to catch him in time. I did, and from there the conversation went something like this:
Him: "No Diaper Change! Balls!
Me: "Trust me, this is critical and as soon as we're done, we will play with the balls."
Him: "Pants on! No!
Me: "Did you go poopy?"
Him: [Silent, then points to other little boy] "He did it!"
Amazingly, as I took the time to check, not wanting to be mistaken, child #1 took the liberty to dodge yet again, and hide under the table. Thankfully, child #2 was clean. Back on the chase for child #1, and yes we eventually prevailed.
Meanwhile, Child # 2 had his own very eventful five minutes. This job was not as lively as the later but followed with child # 3 confronting me [basically] with the fact that she felt she wasn't getting enough attention.
She: I need my diaper changed.
Me: You do? [sniff] Are you wet?
She: No
Me: Stinky?
She: No.
Me: Well then you don't need your diaper changed.
She: [Giggles]
Me: Did you just feel left out?
She: Yes, I did.
Needless to say, I was mistaken to believe that I would be off duty this morning as a child care provider, and yet somehow I didn't really mind ;-)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Rich Young Ruler
Reading through the Psalms, I've noticed that many of David's most beautiful songs come out of his uncertainty of what God is trying to teach Him. My dad always reminds me of this when I'm going through something and am processing a lot. I used to write songs all the time, but lately John and I have just been hit and miss..he'll write some lyrics and I'll write some music, and we always mean to put them together to finish our song, but somehow never get to it. As I was trying to get some inspiration for some lyrics that have been in the back of my head, I stumbled across a rough recording of the last song we wrote together. It really applied to life life lessons I'm learning right now and I wanted to share it with you.
.it's about ME.... and how i am learning to surrender...and how that's a process...and i compared myself to the rich young ruler that came to Jesus and asked what he could do to get to heaven...and Jesus told him to sell everything...and FOLLOW HIM. yikes!
oh! p.s. it's not the best recording...turn it down so the dogs next door don't bark! lol...
.it's about ME.... and how i am learning to surrender...and how that's a process...and i compared myself to the rich young ruler that came to Jesus and asked what he could do to get to heaven...and Jesus told him to sell everything...and FOLLOW HIM. yikes!
oh! p.s. it's not the best recording...turn it down so the dogs next door don't bark! lol...
Copyright Autumn R. Anderson (2011)
v1 --I came to you/ I came to see/ what you could do/ could do for me
tell me what can i do to be set free/ just wanted to reserve a seat
but i walked away/ i just couldn't take it/ it'd be easier to die
than to give away my life/
and i sang, "blessed are they that have nothing.
v2- i tend to be a Peter/ and here I go again/
i sing "take my life you can have it all"
but then i take it back again.
Pre-Ch. I'll fix it up/ I'll do it all/ Jesus I got your back
but maybe something's wrong with that picture/ I say let's rewind again.
Bridge--Maybe I'm not dead yet/ and maybe I'm not alone/
where should I just let go/ and follow
surrender was the sweetest thing/ follow
to lean my head back on the swing/ follow
trusting and hoping i'll follow
v3- In Christ alone my hope is found/ and I know who I am
but when it's said and done I'm a rich young ruler
and alone i cannot stand.
Pre-Ch. so pick me up and dust me off/ jesus i want your plan
'cause when it's said and done I am only human and
I'm not done growin' yet.
Copyright Autumn R. Anderson (2011)
v1 --I came to you/ I came to see/ what you could do/ could do for me
tell me what can i do to be set free/ just wanted to reserve a seat
but i walked away/ i just couldn't take it/ it'd be easier to die
than to give away my life/
and i sang, "blessed are they that have nothing.
v2- i tend to be a Peter/ and here I go again/
i sing "take my life you can have it all"
but then i take it back again.
Pre-Ch. I'll fix it up/ I'll do it all/ Jesus I got your back
but maybe something's wrong with that picture/ I say let's rewind again.
Bridge--Maybe I'm not dead yet/ and maybe I'm not alone/
where should I just let go/ and follow
surrender was the sweetest thing/ follow
to lean my head back on the swing/ follow
trusting and hoping i'll follow
v3- In Christ alone my hope is found/ and I know who I am
but when it's said and done I'm a rich young ruler
and alone i cannot stand.
Pre-Ch. so pick me up and dust me off/ jesus i want your plan
'cause when it's said and done I am only human and
I'm not done growin' yet.
Copyright Autumn R. Anderson (2011)
Psalm 13:6
Today I'm in a top five mood as I sit down to write on this lazy afternoon...
1. Last month, I took a job with a family in Sheboygan to be their full-time nanny and have been working part time while their other nanny transitions out of their lives. They are currently on vacation in Florida and when they get home I will transition into the role of full-time. This is something I certainly did not foresee when I began looking for jobs after college. However, through some humbling circumstances, the Lord has made clear that this is where I can best serve Him now and I pray that he will help me to bloom where I am planted in this season. The family is absolutely dear to my heart and very supportive/flexible with my plans to further my education, as well as my role within the church. The job consists of being the full time private day care provider for three beautiful girls ages 5, 3 and 1. It is a joy to serve them and their family and I pray that God fills me with his love each and every day so that I can impart it to them.
2. Spring fever has set in with brute force. The 2-for-1ski resort John booked for us last month threw in free access to their indoor water park. The experience of putting last summer’s bikini, tankini, or trunks on in the middle of February is likely to offer some unwanted perspective. Also, my late preference of sweats to jeans was another clue that it was time to pull out the ol' running tights and hit the streets! That said, John is on his usual spring detox diet with a new 17 day twist adapted from Pastor Fred and I have high hopes of running a half marathon this summer.
3. The light at the end of this cold winter tunnel came when an event that I felt most excited to be put behind me came as a refreshing surprise. A dear friend of ours who is now employed at our Alma Mater as the choir director contacted us last year to ask if KAC would be a host to the choir. I said "of course" without any hesitation, but as the event approached I became more aware of my responsibilities as the sole contact person for the choir. Setting up host homes, preparing dinner for 30 +, and the public communications of an event like this all had me worried that I would overlook the smallest of details. Yet just as He ALWAYS does, my dear Lord took complete control allowing me to simply rest in his strong arms as I soaked in the sweet, and dearly missed fellowship of these cherished friends. The amount of encouragement I received throughout the 24 hour period was incredible and I'm still thanking God for such a gift.
4. Following the choir's visit, I was blessed, yet again, with a short but sweet visit from my parents. They treated us so well that I kept thinking, “Lord, I don’t deserve this all at once! Save some blessing for next month!” They came in time to meet our KAC kids, play games, worship and take part in small groups with us. The kids loved meeting the infamous “Brule” that we find ourselves referring to constantly, and I, needless to say, felt so blessed to have them take a peek into our lives here.
5. As if these two visits didn’t bless me more than I can put into words, having this week off before my change in schedule was liberating. After seeing my parents off on Tuesday, John asked what I planned to do with my week off. I did something I need to do more often. I made a spontaneous choice to visit my grandparents in Door County. A half an hour after my parents left my bags were packed and I was headed for our family vacation spot and my grandparents home near the bay. The time, though short, was packed with memories I will treasure and take with me until my next trip. Even the 2 hour drive alone was a much needed time of reflection and since I was in no hurry I stopped along the way to enjoy the shores of Lake Michigan and revel in the magnificence of the Lord's handiwork.
Now back on my couch as I ponder my latest escapade, I’m reminded of how my Abba knows exactly what I need and exactly when I need it. I cannot stop rejoicing in God my savior for He has dealt bountifully with me! I implore you to do the same…(Psalm 13:6)
1. Last month, I took a job with a family in Sheboygan to be their full-time nanny and have been working part time while their other nanny transitions out of their lives. They are currently on vacation in Florida and when they get home I will transition into the role of full-time. This is something I certainly did not foresee when I began looking for jobs after college. However, through some humbling circumstances, the Lord has made clear that this is where I can best serve Him now and I pray that he will help me to bloom where I am planted in this season. The family is absolutely dear to my heart and very supportive/flexible with my plans to further my education, as well as my role within the church. The job consists of being the full time private day care provider for three beautiful girls ages 5, 3 and 1. It is a joy to serve them and their family and I pray that God fills me with his love each and every day so that I can impart it to them.
2. Spring fever has set in with brute force. The 2-for-1ski resort John booked for us last month threw in free access to their indoor water park. The experience of putting last summer’s bikini, tankini, or trunks on in the middle of February is likely to offer some unwanted perspective. Also, my late preference of sweats to jeans was another clue that it was time to pull out the ol' running tights and hit the streets! That said, John is on his usual spring detox diet with a new 17 day twist adapted from Pastor Fred and I have high hopes of running a half marathon this summer.
3. The light at the end of this cold winter tunnel came when an event that I felt most excited to be put behind me came as a refreshing surprise. A dear friend of ours who is now employed at our Alma Mater as the choir director contacted us last year to ask if KAC would be a host to the choir. I said "of course" without any hesitation, but as the event approached I became more aware of my responsibilities as the sole contact person for the choir. Setting up host homes, preparing dinner for 30 +, and the public communications of an event like this all had me worried that I would overlook the smallest of details. Yet just as He ALWAYS does, my dear Lord took complete control allowing me to simply rest in his strong arms as I soaked in the sweet, and dearly missed fellowship of these cherished friends. The amount of encouragement I received throughout the 24 hour period was incredible and I'm still thanking God for such a gift.
4. Following the choir's visit, I was blessed, yet again, with a short but sweet visit from my parents. They treated us so well that I kept thinking, “Lord, I don’t deserve this all at once! Save some blessing for next month!” They came in time to meet our KAC kids, play games, worship and take part in small groups with us. The kids loved meeting the infamous “Brule” that we find ourselves referring to constantly, and I, needless to say, felt so blessed to have them take a peek into our lives here.
5. As if these two visits didn’t bless me more than I can put into words, having this week off before my change in schedule was liberating. After seeing my parents off on Tuesday, John asked what I planned to do with my week off. I did something I need to do more often. I made a spontaneous choice to visit my grandparents in Door County. A half an hour after my parents left my bags were packed and I was headed for our family vacation spot and my grandparents home near the bay. The time, though short, was packed with memories I will treasure and take with me until my next trip. Even the 2 hour drive alone was a much needed time of reflection and since I was in no hurry I stopped along the way to enjoy the shores of Lake Michigan and revel in the magnificence of the Lord's handiwork.
Now back on my couch as I ponder my latest escapade, I’m reminded of how my Abba knows exactly what I need and exactly when I need it. I cannot stop rejoicing in God my savior for He has dealt bountifully with me! I implore you to do the same…(Psalm 13:6)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Waiting for Spring
Well, as I'm sure most of you are...I'm just writing to say I'm finally ready for the snow to melt. I can deal with it until our coming ski trip to Granite Peak, but after that, let it melt, oh please, please, let it melt! I'm longing for some sunshine...
The cold, as I've shared before, does not advocate community here, but unfortunately only reinforces this culture of people that go to and from work only, pull into their garages and stay warm, which I can understand. However, the community we have been praying for is still in the distance and we are feeling the effects of the winter. It's evident to us that Satan is working over time here to put walls between us and our fellow believers and we need prayer more than ever as we wait for the snow to melt as well as people's hearts to be softened. How easy it is to be discouraged when we cannot immediately see fruit but I prefer the news in the Chronicles of Narnia books when word reaches his servants that "Aslan is on the move." I choose to believe that the one I serve is also on the move and that soon- in His perfect time, the snow and the ice will melt and we will once again see the effects of His reign because this world and everything in it belongs to my King Jesus. Please keep us in your prayers. Pray that He will find us faithful through the winter! Thank you.
We love you,
John and Autumn
The cold, as I've shared before, does not advocate community here, but unfortunately only reinforces this culture of people that go to and from work only, pull into their garages and stay warm, which I can understand. However, the community we have been praying for is still in the distance and we are feeling the effects of the winter. It's evident to us that Satan is working over time here to put walls between us and our fellow believers and we need prayer more than ever as we wait for the snow to melt as well as people's hearts to be softened. How easy it is to be discouraged when we cannot immediately see fruit but I prefer the news in the Chronicles of Narnia books when word reaches his servants that "Aslan is on the move." I choose to believe that the one I serve is also on the move and that soon- in His perfect time, the snow and the ice will melt and we will once again see the effects of His reign because this world and everything in it belongs to my King Jesus. Please keep us in your prayers. Pray that He will find us faithful through the winter! Thank you.
We love you,
John and Autumn
Friday, December 17, 2010
lessons on taking myself too seriously ;-)
Today I am taking a day off. A day off from what, you might ask? (As many of you know I have been searching for work for over 5 months). Well, today I am taking a day off from a very trying week of waking up in the morning, praying that God would help me trust him, going to interviews and coming home feeling defeated and discouraged. I have shared with some of you my horror stories of the week, but today is a day to focus on God’s faithfulness.
This morning I woke up feeling absolutely exausted. I felt too tired to cry or even express my anger towards God about how distant he felt. I began to get ready for the day wondering how much more I could take.Those of you who are unemployed probably know what I’m talking about—how hard it can be to fill out application after application or tweak resume after resume for jobs that you don’t even know that you want knowing you may or may not reap rewards for your labor. It’s exhausting isn’t it?
I really cried out to my Abba this week. I told him how bad it hurt not to work. I told him how sorry I felt for myself and I told him I was ready to give up my pride and work wherever he chose, if only he would make clear where that was! I was so tired of spinning my wheels. He took me through a step by step lesson this week.
He said…
1. Check your motives.
Autumn, why do you want to work? Is it so that you can impress people when they ask “What do you do?” Is it so that you feel you are benefiting from your degree? Or is it so that you may be a witness for me wherever I choose to place you?
2. Check your heart.
Where is your treasure? Is it in winning souls or is it in temporary earthly pleasures?
3. Check your will
"Do you want my will or yours?" He asked.
Through a couple of very interesting experiences, the Lord led me to face myself in all of these areas.
It was this morning that I realized I had truly let go. The whole time I had been meaning to let go of all of the above and let the Lord lead me, but it was all done in fear and with a back-up plan if he didn’t lead the way I wanted him to. As I got ready this morning, I just prayed, “Lord, guide me. You know what I want; but you also know what’s best for me. Please do what’s best for me.”
It was moments later that my cell phone rang with a call from a catering company and supper club that I had applied to weeks ago. They asked if I could interview today.
I felt excited but nervous, because not having a job, I had already made holiday plans to visit family the week following Christmas. I knew it would be wise to take the job regardless, but I asked God for one more thing. “God would you please let me know this is right by allowing me to start after the first of January?”
And that is exactly what God did for me. Later today I got a call from an eye clinic that I had applied to as a receptionist and they want to interview next week...God is good.
“So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
So today I am taking a long overdue “day off” so to speak. I am taking a day off from trying to carry it all on my shoulders. I am taking a “day off” from trying to manage my own life and I am taking a day off to refocus on the goal—not mine, but the goal Paul is speaking of when he says,
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14
Saturday, December 11, 2010
God is With Us
Dear Friends,
Guess what we finally got...SNOW! That's right. We have not had snow until this week!! It's true...and sometimes that makes us miss Minnesota more than you know. Today, however, I am sitting at my kitchen table looking out my window at a winter wonderland. It's strange because I actually think Kiel is a prettier town with snow. It seems like cold weather brings people together doesn't it? It's my hope that it does. It could have the opposite effect though-- it's so cold that everyone just stays shut up in their houses. Johnny and I are trying to make sure that doesn't happen. This year during the kids' christmas break we're planning a "week of winter" during which we will have outside winter activities for jr. high and high school students every day throughout their break to make sure that no one is sitting at home playing X-box for hours on end ;-)
(Sometimes I feel like we're already parents of teenagers.. ;-) My sweet Johnny just loves the snow and being outside in the cold--which most people might think is crazy, but I think these kids are blessed to have a youth pastor with so many creative ideas! Two days after christmas John and our new friend Sid are taking some boys from their sunday school class winter camping. Sid is from the UP and has done this kind of thing before so they are totally prepared for what lies ahead. They have already gathered firewood and stashed it like good ol' mountain men.;-)
Tomorrow morning, before the service, the youth will be hosting a pancake breakfast as a fundraiser for our missions trip to St. Paul with Youth Works. We're hoping for a great turn out and are very happy for all the parents and students who will be there to help. Please pray it goes well. Also please pray for the leadership team as we prepare for this trip.
Tomorrow's Sunday service will be the annual Christmas Cantata in which the choir will be singing. Arthur, the choir director, has also asked John and I to sing so we will be singing one of our favorite Christmas songs, "You are Near" by our friend Drew Collins.
As we look ahead to Christmas, I find myself full of joy and anticipation. John and I recently attended a Christmas concert at Lakeland College with a friend that was accompanying the choir. While we listened, the music brought us back to our years of singing in Christmas at Crown. It was strange because while many of the songs were the same songs we'd sung at Crown, something was very different. As I thought about it further I realized it was that the choir's faces did not express at all the joy of which they were singing. Dr. Donalson always used to remind us of what we were singing about by bringing us the history of the songs sung as well as sharing his own joy that the Messiah had come! It was sad to John and I to see that most students appeared to have no idea what they were singing about and although the president claimed that Lakeland was "unapologetically a college of the church", we wondered how many of their students actually grasped the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The chaplain closed the concert with a prayer that we would have peace in our hearts and that God would be with us. I did not pick up on this, but John left with an uneasiness saying, "But we DO have peace and He HAS come! Why didn't she tell them that?"
To my Crown friends who remember often hearing Dr. Mann and many other faculty tell us that Crown College is a school like no other, I want to tell you that as cliche as it always sounded, I now understand. Though there is nothing magical about Crown there are not many schools around like it and I was deeply reminded of how fortunate I was to attend such a school that not only claimed to be christian, but where one of the main requirements was to see that we are GROWING in the faith.
KAC will be holding a Christmas Eve service here. This will be the first time I have not been with my immediate and dear church family from Black River for Christmas Eve. I am so excited though, that they will be able to come and share a late christmas with us on Sunday and will also celebrate my sweet Johnny's birthday with us on Monday! We're excited to see both my parents and my dear brother Garrett who will be flying home on the 16th. Please pray for the safety of our traveling family.
Finally, I want all of my beloved friends and family to know that due to the amount of money I have spent on stamps this year (with save-the-dates, invitations and thank-you notes) we've decided to wait to send out christmas cards until next year. Soo, when you don't get one, realize you are not being overlooked! We've decided to let our parents do the christmas letter writing for one last year =] We do enjoy getting yours tho! In fact, we've started a little collection on the wall next to our fridge. =]
Much love and prayers this Christmas season. May you remember sweet words of Drew's song as you not only prepare your homes, gifts and travel plans, but also prepare your hearts for our King..
"And His name shall be called Emmanuel...God is with us even now. You are near." -Drew Collins
Love in Christ,
Autumn and John
Guess what we finally got...SNOW! That's right. We have not had snow until this week!! It's true...and sometimes that makes us miss Minnesota more than you know. Today, however, I am sitting at my kitchen table looking out my window at a winter wonderland. It's strange because I actually think Kiel is a prettier town with snow. It seems like cold weather brings people together doesn't it? It's my hope that it does. It could have the opposite effect though-- it's so cold that everyone just stays shut up in their houses. Johnny and I are trying to make sure that doesn't happen. This year during the kids' christmas break we're planning a "week of winter" during which we will have outside winter activities for jr. high and high school students every day throughout their break to make sure that no one is sitting at home playing X-box for hours on end ;-)
(Sometimes I feel like we're already parents of teenagers.. ;-) My sweet Johnny just loves the snow and being outside in the cold--which most people might think is crazy, but I think these kids are blessed to have a youth pastor with so many creative ideas! Two days after christmas John and our new friend Sid are taking some boys from their sunday school class winter camping. Sid is from the UP and has done this kind of thing before so they are totally prepared for what lies ahead. They have already gathered firewood and stashed it like good ol' mountain men.;-)
Tomorrow morning, before the service, the youth will be hosting a pancake breakfast as a fundraiser for our missions trip to St. Paul with Youth Works. We're hoping for a great turn out and are very happy for all the parents and students who will be there to help. Please pray it goes well. Also please pray for the leadership team as we prepare for this trip.
Tomorrow's Sunday service will be the annual Christmas Cantata in which the choir will be singing. Arthur, the choir director, has also asked John and I to sing so we will be singing one of our favorite Christmas songs, "You are Near" by our friend Drew Collins.
As we look ahead to Christmas, I find myself full of joy and anticipation. John and I recently attended a Christmas concert at Lakeland College with a friend that was accompanying the choir. While we listened, the music brought us back to our years of singing in Christmas at Crown. It was strange because while many of the songs were the same songs we'd sung at Crown, something was very different. As I thought about it further I realized it was that the choir's faces did not express at all the joy of which they were singing. Dr. Donalson always used to remind us of what we were singing about by bringing us the history of the songs sung as well as sharing his own joy that the Messiah had come! It was sad to John and I to see that most students appeared to have no idea what they were singing about and although the president claimed that Lakeland was "unapologetically a college of the church", we wondered how many of their students actually grasped the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The chaplain closed the concert with a prayer that we would have peace in our hearts and that God would be with us. I did not pick up on this, but John left with an uneasiness saying, "But we DO have peace and He HAS come! Why didn't she tell them that?"
To my Crown friends who remember often hearing Dr. Mann and many other faculty tell us that Crown College is a school like no other, I want to tell you that as cliche as it always sounded, I now understand. Though there is nothing magical about Crown there are not many schools around like it and I was deeply reminded of how fortunate I was to attend such a school that not only claimed to be christian, but where one of the main requirements was to see that we are GROWING in the faith.
KAC will be holding a Christmas Eve service here. This will be the first time I have not been with my immediate and dear church family from Black River for Christmas Eve. I am so excited though, that they will be able to come and share a late christmas with us on Sunday and will also celebrate my sweet Johnny's birthday with us on Monday! We're excited to see both my parents and my dear brother Garrett who will be flying home on the 16th. Please pray for the safety of our traveling family.
Finally, I want all of my beloved friends and family to know that due to the amount of money I have spent on stamps this year (with save-the-dates, invitations and thank-you notes) we've decided to wait to send out christmas cards until next year. Soo, when you don't get one, realize you are not being overlooked! We've decided to let our parents do the christmas letter writing for one last year =] We do enjoy getting yours tho! In fact, we've started a little collection on the wall next to our fridge. =]
Much love and prayers this Christmas season. May you remember sweet words of Drew's song as you not only prepare your homes, gifts and travel plans, but also prepare your hearts for our King..
"And His name shall be called Emmanuel...God is with us even now. You are near." -Drew Collins
Love in Christ,
Autumn and John
Thursday, October 14, 2010
My Bookshelf...what's important to me!
Remember how I told you that I write what I write here so that you can pray for us? Well, I have something to write that I'd like you all to pray about. I am so excited by this that I'm a little hesitant to write because I'm afraid sometimes of not making sense, but I am also so very excited by this revelation that I would like you all to pray that God does with it what he wants...the sooner the better!
Here's my story...
Today I woke up and couldn't stop thinking...when that happens I usually take quite a bit of my devotional time to write and to journal what I feel God is showing me. Today I told Him I'm just frustrated with having so many passions and desires and not know which one he wants me to follow or if all of them even line up at all...I hate when people ask me, "what do you do all day while john is at work.." because I know I do a lot of thinking, house-hold tasks, writing...and waiting...waiting on God for direction as I fill out application after application, wondering if any of them is really what I want to do and wishing God would direct more clearly.
So speaking of tasks, I began a task that I've been putting off for awhile--cleaning out our "guest room./office"..you know, the room in the house that you shove stuff in when you don't have time to clean/ unpack everything before people come? That's the one. I opened the door, took a deep breath, opened a window and opened the first box. It was the box that my mom had sent back with me last time I was home and it was heavy as heck! I found it to be full of many of books (novels, fiction, and non-fiction) that I had accumulated over the years as well as some others that I had studied with in college. As I was placing them on my bookshelf, I realized you can definitely tell what's important to a person by taking a look at his/her bookshelf, (if they like to read, that is). Books on worship, dating, marriage and spiritual leadership and development soon crowded the top and bottom shelves. Shoving that box of to the side, I reached for the next--even heavier than the first, I literally had to push it from one corner of the room to the bookshelf. When I opened it, it was full of notes, papers and notebooks that were shoved in in the most disorderly fashion (just the way I'd left them after each semester of college ;-). As I began to tackle the new task of organizing what I thought was probably mostly trash, I found that it was actually organized clutter--each class, year and assignment separated neatly with a couple of notes in between. As I began to sort I couldn't help but read some of the articles, stories, movie reviews and final papers, memories of the times in my life washing over me as I did so. I even laughed a loud at some of my word choices and the different spins I took on what were probably meant to be boring assignments, late night hours turned into humorous editorials. I decided I'd like to share some of these with John, so I began organizing them into folders and stacking them on the shelves...and that's when I realized what I'm passionate about. Laugh if you want to, but I never knew....when I finished, the remaining space on my shelf was full of my own work.....and my other books of interest stood their awkwardly among the rest of my own work. If you don't understand, or don't know me well enough to understand, what I'm saying is, God just opened my eyes to a passion I didn't realize I had. I want to write,...and I need to. I didn't realize until I wasn't being forced to, how much I miss it...and how much I crave it. The excitement I feel is comparable to the last time God pointed me in a certain direction--you know, when he speaks to you so clearly you want to cry? That's how I felt. So I promptly texted a sister in Christ and told her, I know what God wants me to do! For the first time since he told me to marry John and move to Kiel, I had direction! Being the amazing friend that she is, she took it upon herself to hold me accountable and told me to call the local newspaper immediately and put together my portfolio. So I did...and I have a meeting on Monday.
I'm really not sure how to end this...other than asking those of you who seek God for direction in your lives to pray earnestly for me. If God wants me to be humble and wait on him longer, please ask that he gives me the grace and patience to wait and if he wants to use me to write and lift his name through my writing, please pray that he opens a door!
Thank you so much.
Following Christ,
Autumn
Here's my story...
Today I woke up and couldn't stop thinking...when that happens I usually take quite a bit of my devotional time to write and to journal what I feel God is showing me. Today I told Him I'm just frustrated with having so many passions and desires and not know which one he wants me to follow or if all of them even line up at all...I hate when people ask me, "what do you do all day while john is at work.." because I know I do a lot of thinking, house-hold tasks, writing...and waiting...waiting on God for direction as I fill out application after application, wondering if any of them is really what I want to do and wishing God would direct more clearly.
So speaking of tasks, I began a task that I've been putting off for awhile--cleaning out our "guest room./office"..you know, the room in the house that you shove stuff in when you don't have time to clean/ unpack everything before people come? That's the one. I opened the door, took a deep breath, opened a window and opened the first box. It was the box that my mom had sent back with me last time I was home and it was heavy as heck! I found it to be full of many of books (novels, fiction, and non-fiction) that I had accumulated over the years as well as some others that I had studied with in college. As I was placing them on my bookshelf, I realized you can definitely tell what's important to a person by taking a look at his/her bookshelf, (if they like to read, that is). Books on worship, dating, marriage and spiritual leadership and development soon crowded the top and bottom shelves. Shoving that box of to the side, I reached for the next--even heavier than the first, I literally had to push it from one corner of the room to the bookshelf. When I opened it, it was full of notes, papers and notebooks that were shoved in in the most disorderly fashion (just the way I'd left them after each semester of college ;-). As I began to tackle the new task of organizing what I thought was probably mostly trash, I found that it was actually organized clutter--each class, year and assignment separated neatly with a couple of notes in between. As I began to sort I couldn't help but read some of the articles, stories, movie reviews and final papers, memories of the times in my life washing over me as I did so. I even laughed a loud at some of my word choices and the different spins I took on what were probably meant to be boring assignments, late night hours turned into humorous editorials. I decided I'd like to share some of these with John, so I began organizing them into folders and stacking them on the shelves...and that's when I realized what I'm passionate about. Laugh if you want to, but I never knew....when I finished, the remaining space on my shelf was full of my own work.....and my other books of interest stood their awkwardly among the rest of my own work. If you don't understand, or don't know me well enough to understand, what I'm saying is, God just opened my eyes to a passion I didn't realize I had. I want to write,...and I need to. I didn't realize until I wasn't being forced to, how much I miss it...and how much I crave it. The excitement I feel is comparable to the last time God pointed me in a certain direction--you know, when he speaks to you so clearly you want to cry? That's how I felt. So I promptly texted a sister in Christ and told her, I know what God wants me to do! For the first time since he told me to marry John and move to Kiel, I had direction! Being the amazing friend that she is, she took it upon herself to hold me accountable and told me to call the local newspaper immediately and put together my portfolio. So I did...and I have a meeting on Monday.
I'm really not sure how to end this...other than asking those of you who seek God for direction in your lives to pray earnestly for me. If God wants me to be humble and wait on him longer, please ask that he gives me the grace and patience to wait and if he wants to use me to write and lift his name through my writing, please pray that he opens a door!
Thank you so much.
Following Christ,
Autumn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)