Ask, Seek, Find

I don't know if there is a good way to put this into words. Sitting in my smoky apartment that so often I have found myself grumbling to the Lord in-- more than once upon arrival, I am now laughing because once again the Lord's generosity is hilarious.
 I have it good.
I always do.
He provides and his steadfast love never fails. And it won't.

Months ago my husband and I were excited to find a place that would let us move in so quickly. Our jobs were lined up and temporary (relatively cheap) housing was set up. Our landlords were gracious and held it for us so we moved in after one week. For this one, of many reasons, we knew we were meant to be at 1650 Tenth Ave. As boxes flooded the first room of the apartment and we could barely squeeze three people in, I reminded myself of this-as I did each time I entered the bathroom to see the most hideous olive green sink, bath and toilet. Yes, we knew what we were getting into, and John and I continue to believe that the Lord's will was done. We moved in. Others who hesitated knew well not to argue- we explained more than once that this is where we felt the Lord wanted us and this would be our new home-green loo and all.

A few months later I began to struggle with my health. My breathing began to worsen and I woke up with my head pounding each morning, aware that I was not getting enough oxygen. When we left for vacation, we opened our suitcase, to find that our clothes reeked of smoke. The people that had moved in beneath us (two weeks after we did) were heavy smokers and somehow we did not notice this until we were away. Several trips to the emergency room and to the Dr. told us how serious this was becoming and we began to wonder what God's plan was in this. We had signed a year long lease! What would we do? There was no way we could break it. Who else would be crazy enough to live here? And we couldn't pay for two places? The very thoughts only caused my panic to sky rocket and asthma  to worsen. We left for  a weekend to see if a trip to my parents would bring any relief. Upon arriving back we were made aware of the most terrible odor of smoke and mildew. Our landlord came and could not figure out the problem but did notice a leak in the sink which he claimed to fix by covering up the wet wood with another layer of wood. My allergies and breathing continued to worsen.  We began to ask for prayer and look for other options. After much prayer, we found that our landlord would allow us to break lease due to my health conditions. Praise God! Now we would need to find a new place to call home.

House after house that we looked at I just became more overwhelmed. The price wasn't right, the layout was awful, it was in a bad neighborhood, it was too far from work, it was too small, it was too high. I admit, as we looked, it seemed hopeless. I felt ashamed to ask for prayer as if I was complaining, but told one friend that I could not wait to show them how God would provide, because I knew he would! John and I continued express that to each other and the Lord.

At a time when I felt particularly hopeless, I expressed my concern to a dear friend. She prayed with me, assured me that the house was being saved especially for me, and that it would be exactly what we needed. Moments later John sent me a text with a link saying--" I found it!! Showing at 11:30 on Friday!"I looked at the photos, and was shocked and afraid to become too excited. Could this be it? Everything I wanted  down to the silly amenities?

We pulled into the drive way on Friday morning and outstepped a well dressed beautiful ethiopian woman. "We introduced ourselves and she said "Yes, I've been waiting for you! Come in!" As we stepped in and looked around a familiar feeling swept over me. The feeling that I had when the Lord provided a job for me and job for my husband after we spent months praying that we could eventually move back to Minnesota. The feeling that you get as a child when someone hands you a gift and says "This is for you!" Could this be what I think it is?

Into the kitchen to see the exact layout I had drawn in my mind- nice open layout facing a window- and up the stairs to see more space- beautiful space! To anyone else, this was a basic townhouse with no major bells and whistles. To me, this was the promised land.

As we chatted with the owner, she asked what we did and John told her he is a youth pastor. She teared up almost instantly and said "I've been praying for christians to rent my house!" I stood dumbfounded knowing that John had also prayed for a christian landlord. Could this really be?

We filled out the applications, exchanged numbers and she promised to be in touch by the end of the day. We left the house and I instinctively noted her license plate (yes, i know she was a christian, but I'm a freak, we found the house on craigslist and I had just given her a lot of information, so...I looked =-)

It read "Matt 7-7"

John said "Duh, it's a bible verse. She's a christian. Honey, you're so weird."

Never the less, I jotted it down.

Only after she had called, we had received the lease agreement and settled on a move-in date did it hit me.

"Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you."

You have got to be kidding me.

You can laugh. We did. ;-)

Pictures (and more adventures) to come.....

Sweet Summer Time

Since I hardly have time to blog full posts anymore, here is a blink at our summer so far through photos =-)

Dad's Birthday at our place =-)

Memorial Day with the Anderon's at Hayden Lake

Our niece, Collette <3 

Dannica and John

Collette and Sonja

With Janie at the Duerkop Wedding

Father's Day at Sarah and Josiah's

My Birthday Surprise! What could be better than going out for dinner with the Burkhart's, Johnny and Garrett!! 

Kennedy and Garrett =-)

giving hugs

..and kisses!

Two of my favorite people <3 

New New New...

And as if our two years together haven't held ENOUGH adventure, this blog and our life truly lives up to it's title- an adventure. By the way, we've moved. Again.

Before I go on, let me just say that we couldn't be happier. Never wanting to publicly complain, John and I have had a longing in our hearts to return to the the state, the city and the people that we love, here in Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota. About a month ago God granted that desire.

It all started when we left Kiel, not knowing where, when why or how God was going to move, but knowing that we needed to trust, wait and pray. Spending last summer in Black River is something we will ALWAYS fondly look back on. What a wonderful opportunity we had to be near to family and have temporary full time work. God provided and continues to provide.

Then God called us to Omaha, yet even as we drove away that rainy morning, we both felt heavy hearted, knowing with all our hearts that God had called us there, but wondering why it was Nebraska, and not Minnesota. God had a plan and we spent a wonderful 6 months learning and growing as a couple and as individuals as God taught us more than we ever thought we could pack into 6 months. We thank God continuously for those jobs and those boys from whom we continue to unwrap treasures of wisdom. The Lord surrounded us in a place far from all we knew and loved with friends and people who supported us. People that we had known from past seasons of our lives were now living in Omaha and we were able to reconnect old friendships.

The church the Lord led us to was exactly what we needed for where we were coming from and the Lord spoke through out Pastor as we read through the Bible with our church and he preached through the Old Testament each Sunday following the new year. I think our whole family felt the burden of the faith step, but looking back now, I feel God blessed all of us for our faith. When we arrived on the steps of our new place in Omaha, I held back tears. I didn't have the feeling I'd hoped to have- excitement. Instead I felt dread knowing what lay ahead might be harder than anything we'd ever faced..and it was! I slipped on my "Gripes Be Gone" bracelet- from a bible study I had been going through with my mom- trying to remember not to complain but to trust the Lord and my husband in all things. Still, I couldn't help but wonder when God would lead us back to the church, and when God would, most importantly, stir my husbands' heart back to ministry.

I can't explain the way I heard His voice, but I know I did.

In quietness and confidence shall be your strength...


Quietness...Not one of my strong suits. Confidence...also an area I struggle with. So many times in the next few months I would need to bite my tongue- not to tell my husband he was wrong- God had called him to be a Pastor, not a nurse, and that he didn't need to go back to school or into the military but that he needed time to heal, time to process, time to pray and seek God's voice, but I felt consistently the quiet voice telling me to be quiet.

For some reason, Easter, two years in a row, has been very significant for us, representing new things as always and representing more new things for us this year. It was last year on Easter that we knew we were moving to Black River. This year, a few weeks before Easter, we sat in church listening to a sermon on Moses. Our pastor spoke about the excuses Moses made, the way he tried to explain to God that he was not the right man for the task. Who was he to question God? God chose him because he knew what Moses was capable of.

Later that night as we sat on the couch, I listened as the miracle I had been praying for happened and my husband explained to me that God had most certainly called him and he had most certainly felt incapable, but he was ready to trust God to use him in whatever way He saw fit. Again he asked the monumental question that has been asked 5 times now since we've been together- "Will you go with me?"

As John opened the computer and we began to casually look at youth pastor positions online, my heart jumped when we saw a position at New Life Church of Woodbury. John had casually mentioned, days before, that he felt God lay the town of Woodbury on his heart. Completely unlike John to say something like that, I took note. I'm going to speed ahead, now, because the main thing is that each week God opened a new door down to the week that we moved, when I found out that a position opened up at New Life Family Services, the exact office that I had interned at 2 years before. I literally filled out the application between packing boxes and finished it the first night in our new home in Newport, MN. A week after John began his job as a youth pastor at New Life Church, I began working at New Life Family Services in Richfield, MN.

And that's where we are today. Still shocked and amazed that a month ago our life consisted of parenting/coaching/mentoring/teaching 8 teenage boys 6 days on, 24/7,  and now it consists of going to work and coming home and having weekends off in which we can travel to places like the cabin like normal people to see family and eat around a camp fire. We continually say things like "A year ago at this time, did you ever think..." as we remember visiting similar parks to the ones we visited with our youth group on a missions trip to this area, feeling God's calling us here even then and wondering when and how it would come to be.

His way is perfect. His timing is perfect. His lessons are perfect.

Life? Not perfect, but as a wise junior high student carefully spoke to her sunday school class last week,

"You might think that God is doing some stuff in your life because he doesn't care, but that's not true. He knows what he's doing and he knows that what he's doing is right and will just make you stronger. Sooner or later if you keep looking, you're bound to see His love in it."


John, who had been teaching the lesson in the book of 1 Peter, smiled and said,

"I couldn't have said it better."

To Love One Another

How hard is it to love someone you care deeply for perfectly the way Jesus loved? It's not easy. Broken marriages are proof of this and it breaks my heart. Love is not a feeling...it's a choice, an action. It's who God is to us and it's the way we should live towards each other. Tears literally flow to my eyes now as I'm touched with the way He loves and at the same time with the way we consistently fail at it.

Jesus teach us how to love! 'Us' as a nation, 'us' as the human race, 'us' as believers, 'us' as couples bound by the sacred  covenant of marriage.

Jesus, teach us how to love.

"Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment for you; rather it is an old one you have had from the very beginning. This old commandment-to love one another-is the same message you heard before. Yet it is also new. Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you also are living it. For the darkness is disappearing, and the true light is already shining." 1 John 2:7-8

Whatever My Lot

Thou hast taught me to say it is well with my soul...


A continuous thorn in my side is my struggle with depression. I can't explain it, can't find a cure for it, but I know one thing: it keeps me in a constant state of dependance on the Almighty. I find myself once again struggling to see spring at the end of winter, the light at the end of a tunnel...the weekend at the end of a long hard week...however you want to say it, that is the feeling I have. One of the most lonely parts of this is wondering if there is anyone that can relate?

I find myself on my knees again in a humble state of surrender. Ok, Lord, take it back. I'm a hoarder when it comes to my will. Very selfish. What do YOU want from me?

I'm struck with feelings of panic, feelings of helplessness along with a desperate feeling of wanting to get out of the pit that I feel trapped in. I know that I want help and that somehow gives me hope. I speak aloud the truth of my King. I speak His name and am reminded of His love for me. I surround myself with prayer warriors near and far and ask them to fight for me, knowing right now I can't fight for myself.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


"Therefore my dear brothers' and sisters, stay true to the Lord. I love you and long to see you, dear friends for you are my joy and the crown I receive for my work. ...4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for what He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds any anything we can understand. His peace will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. And now, one final thing: fix your eyes on what is true and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Continue putting into practice all that you have learned and received from me- everything you heard me say and saw me doing. Then the peace of God will be with you." Phil. 4:1, 4- 9


I focus my posture to set my eyes on things that are excellent and praise worthy. Then I rejoice in the King whom I serve.

I choose to rejoice today. Not to be fake, but also not to be half hearted in anything the Lord sets before me to do. I choose joy because I know what is coming. I choose love because no one has ever deserved it but He gave it anyway. Therefore, I will continue to put into practice all that I have learned from Him. Everything I heard him say and saw Him doing. And do you know what? That peace is with me now. It's a promise and I'm living proof.

It is well with my soul.

Silent Tea

Today I find myself in a silent place. I wish it would last forever. Moments like these are few and far between in the place I find myself today. I never knew I could treasure silence and stillness so much. When I find myself in silence, sometimes I can't even bring myself to read because I don't want to hear anything...not even the voice inside my head narrating...

It is moments like these that I wish life could slow down. I scold myself for being lazy when I run into these moments..even months ago I would have cringed at a moment of stillness grabbing a pen and paper and mapping out what I would do next. Now I crave it. I crave the silence. I long for it! I hope for it. To sip my cup of tea and breath in and exhale deeply never seemed like such a luxury!
Luxury...
I notice myself finding joy in pretty colors, in sitting at the window at 3pm that draws the most sunlight and letting the warmth soak into my back. I star at sparkly things like the beautiful wedding ring my darling gave to me and I find joy remembering the moment he asked and the moment I said yes. I crave creativity yet I reach desperately for certainty and things that will not change.

Any moment now a number of clients will come hustling through the door asking me for this or for that or if I've heard back from whom. My phone might ring in a second with a plea from my supervisor to do such and such a favor and my peace may be shaken...disrupted. I have two choices. To feel cheated for the moments I could have had or to feel blessed beyond belief for the luxury of the silence. Or, to tap into a peace that will never leave me; to tap into rest that is mine forever.

"The Lord is my shepherd. I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." 
Psalm 23

Therein lies my help. Therein lies my security for what I have and for what is to come. Therein lies my rest. Therein lies the stillness I long for. Therein lies my renewal and my guidance and the companionship I long for when the life I lead is too much to explain. There is my honor, my language of love in gifts and blessings as my cup runs over and my stability...that no matter where I lay my head He is with me and I will dwell forever in one place for certain...in Him, where there is peace.

My Valentine

Valentine's has come and gone, but I need to share with you how beautiful ours was! I used to never like Valentine's day- the day comes with strings of expectancy, and I feel it's not often that we actually experience what we expect that we will. Since my teen years and since meeting the love of my life, I've grown to appreciate valentine's day as a time to show love to those God has placed in my life and most importantly remind them of his love, rather than merely my own because his is worth so much more and it is only through his teaching that I am learning how to love.

And that is what this Valentine's day has reminded me of. ..

One night as I was gathering old paper and some music for crafting, the Lord brought to mind a verse a friend spoke over me long ago when I was struggling with a bought of depression. 

"He sings over you Autumn. He sings over you. You may not be aware of this, but he is so enthralled by who he has made you- just you as you are-that he is singing over you. He is your King. You will not be shaken."

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing."

He is rejoicing over you. He is rejoicing over me. I reached for my scissors as creative juices filled my mind and I began to create messages of truth for those dear friends that have spoken truth over me throughout my life. As I wrote it over and over again, meditating on this truth, it began to penetrate and while the depression did not leave over night, and I don't believe it will, I have hope because I am holding onto The Protector of My Soul. I know He is indeed who he says He is. 

He will not abandon me to the grave nor will he let his holy one see decay. He has made known to me the path of life and he fills me with joy in his presence (Psalm 16:9-11). 

He fills me with joy in his presence...